Moan, moan, moan!

Sometimes, I talk a load of garbage. This moan, which went into Bill’s Underground Edition on 27 May, is no exception, as you’ll see.

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This really is a load of absolute rubbish. No, I don’t mean The Underground Edition, but the idea that councils think they ought to be able to get away with fortnightly collections of refuse. Notice how they don’t call it ‘fortnightly collections’ but ‘alternate-weekly collections’?

I heard the environment minister Ben Bradshaw use that self-same term on Radio 4 this last week. Talk about euphemisms – it just goes to show how politicians at all levels and of all political colours like to play with semantics in order to bury bad news – in the rubbish pile in this case.

The claim is that it will encourage recycling. Now here in Llanpillock in the wildest parts of the wild west of West Wales it’s easy to recycle some waste: with food you just dump it in woodland and let the nonhuman creatures have a go at it. It’s easier to compost stuff. We’re more likely to have real fires, so much stuff can be burned. In towns? Not so easy. The stuff can sit in a wheelie bin and stink for weeks in the summer.

So what’s the thinking? I’ll tell you: it’s to save money, that’s what it is.

Another stupid idea verging on the criminal is to charge extra for waste collection, because some people create more than others. I can see some logic in that, but aren’t you then in danger of saying those people with kids should pay for the schools, because their kids use them and others’ kids don’t? Well, I mean, those who don’t have kids.

What about street cleaning? We all pay for that, but we don’t get it in Llanpillock – or in nearby Llanbollock. Or, indeed, anywhere hereabouts. We just get a lorry twice a year – if we’re lucky – sweeping the lanes. Yes our streets are just that, lanes, and down them often walk cattle from field to milking parlour and back again, because many farms straddle roads – I mean lanes. I’ll leave it to your imagination as to what’s left behind. Do we complain? Well, only those who’ve come in from the towns and expect townie ways, but those who love the countryside because it is the countryside don’t. They just accept it.

But I’m getting away from the point. They think that (a) they ought to be able to get away with the idea that they can save money with fortnightly collections and (b) that they can charge extra for this one service.

That’s politicians for you. I don’t really have to have a go at them in this little slot: they bring all the combined odium of the people on themselves.

Rubbish, the lot of ’em. 

May 20th update of the Underground Edition

Hello again, thanks for tuning in, this is Bill Everatt, with the news about the May 20th update of the Underground Edition.

Ok troops, in this weeks show, we have an Urban Legend called The Visitor at Waunfawr, this actually means large moor/heathland in Welsh  Its a large village on the outskirts of Snowdonia National Park, Gwynedd, in North Wales.  The Marconi Company built a large high-powered Long Wave Wireless Telegraph transmitting station near the village in 1914 which worked in association with a receiving station at Tywyn. The building is now used as a climbing centre, although this weeks Urban Legend has a more supernatural than technological basis.

Andrew John seems to be hitting the target this week, you could say.

Also, who said this?  “A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”  Now who do you think said that?   “A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”

Plus we’ve also got some great music and information on the artists from amongst others Christian Calcatelli, Bali, Talk Engine, Koopa, Public Symphony and Clarity.

May 13th update of the Underground Edition.

Hello again, in the May 13th update of the Underground Edition, we have an Urban Legend called the Night Watch, a particularly creepy story from the Folk history of Wales.

Andrew John’s thinking about his grammar – and maybe his granddad, too.

Also, who said this?  “Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.”  Now who do you think said that?

Plus we’ve also got some great music and information on the artists from amongst others Mary Knickle, W Robert Peek, Michael Richards, Koopa, The Lazerus Plot and Larissa.

Moan, moan, moan! Biblical balderdash

I had a bit of a go at those people who believe in the literal truth of scripture this week. I needn’t expand on it: the moan below says it all. Here is it . . .

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I read a couple of days ago that a Dutchman had built Noah’s Ark. Well, a half-size replica of it. 

His name’s Johan Hubers, and according to one news report he’s put life-size replicas of animals in there: zebras, giraffes, crocodiles, bison. This ark is fifty metres long, and, according to the news story I read on the BBC news website no less, it’s half the length of Noah’s. My first question is, how on earth do they know? Even the BBC? Noah’s Ark didn’t exist. If anything can be said to have existed historically, it can’t have had two of each of the entire species of Planet Earth on it – even at a hundred metres long. This Hubers chap has built this thing – and good luck to him – out of his belief in the literal existence of Noah’s Ark. This bizarre tale has given rise to a lot of academic speculation over the centuries, even while people have doubted its literal truth. In the fifteenth century, for instance, a chap called Alfonso Tostada gave a detailed account of the vessel’s logistics, right down to arrangements for the disposal of all the poo and the circulation of fresh air, and asixteenth-century geometrician, Johannes Buteo, calculated the ark’s internal dimensions, allowing room for Noah’s grinding mills and smokeless ovens – a model widely adopted by other commentators. There’ve since been searches undertaken on Mount Ararat in Turkey and Mount Sabalan in Iran. Interesting, but all rather silly. Just how anyone can believe that one man and his wife and sons and their wives put a big boat together and literally gathered and crammed every creature on Earth – two of each – onto it defies physics. And, since these fundies believe dinosaurs and people existed side by side, why weren’t the dinosaurs saved, too? What of the smallest creatures? How about the amoeba? Did he find a couple of them, too? Considering it’s a single-cell creature that doesn’t need a mate in order to multiply, why would he? Yet we all know the jingle: the animals went in two by two. What of the mayfly? It dies within 24 hours. That’s its lifespan. In less than a day, it shuffles off this mortal coil. It becomes an ex-mayfly. So by the time he’d found a pair and set sail, his pair would be well and truly deceased. Yet we see mayflies by the kilo where I live. 

I thought it was only in America that people believed in all this stuff in a literal sense. I mean, don’t get me wrong, everyone’s entitled to his religion, but in America the real frothies, the real right-wing fundies, will accept every contradiction in the Bible and take it as literal truth, even though there are, well, contradictions. Logical impossibility, but there you go. A huge percentage of Americans believe in the literal truth of the Bible: Genesis, Adam and Eve and the snake, the Virgin Birth, the Resurrection. The lot. You know, I’ve often wondered about all that poo. The stuff the animals must have dumped, day in, day out, for forty days and forty nights – not to mention that of Noah and his wife, his sons and their wives. My theory is that it just piled up and piled up until they decided one day that they really ought to get to grips with it, so they trained some of the brighter animals to heave it over the side: the elephants and mammoths with their trunks and tusks, the primates with their opposable thumbs. And they stopped the Ark one day while the operation took place. Out it went, every last ounce of it. And it stayed there until 1492 – when Columbus discovered it.  

Hello Everyone

This is my first Blog – anywhere. Mainly because I couldn’t be arsed! I ave just put a new show up on the server in the all new 64 bit clarity. Actually I think it needs tweaking but Bill thinks its ok – opinions either here or to my email addy. Can’t think of anything else to say at the moment but when something cheeses me off then you’ll know about it on here.

Have a good one (next show Wednesday)