03/05/2008 by Andrew John.

You can see Little Bibbling under Flossock from the other side of the M39 if you’re sitting down. It’s a strange place. It has a tyrannical councillor called Beauregard Soup who is tall and angular and thin and given to wearing dark clothes (he’s a right bastard) and a man called Mr Pingblatt, who is two science teachers. Yes, there are two of him. Hard to tell why, or how, but, then, he is the science teachers.

I’ll introduce LBuF in Bill Everatt’s The Underground Edition, which I assume he’ll be putting on the site on Sunday (4 May). If he doesn’t, Councillor Beauregard Soup will want to know why.

In fact, it’s to escape Councillor Beauregard Soup that Bill is recording his programme in an underground bunker in Much Fondling on the Grope, which is a tiny hamlet in North Glamorgan twinned with an unpronounceable town in Utah, where Bill’s other five wives hail from.

I was born in LBuF, and that’s why I have an affection for it. But I’ve done rather well from the inbreeding that tends to go on, in that only two of my relatives are my mother. It gets worses. Oh, it gets worse.

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16/01/2008 by Andrew John.

Hello again. Andrew John here. Hello? Anybody there? Oh, there you are!

I’ve been off the airwaves (should that be linewaves?) for a while, apart from the odd story for Celtica, but I’m rejoining Bill Everatt’s Underground Edition this coming Sunday, 20 January, to talk a bit about crap English. You know the sort: gobbledegook.

It was Bill’s idea. He stumbled (he’s always stumbling – it’s too many wine gums) across a website with some special awards for mangled English – but you’ve got to hear it to believe it.

So somewhere in Bill’s show there’ll be a two-minute (or so) slot while I bring you some of the best (or worst, depending on your point of view) of these, and I’ll be trying to outdo them with a bit of gobbledegook of my own – except that mine isn’t as polite as theirs tries to be.

So, incline your auditory modality organs in the approximate direction of the electro-acoustic transducers attached to your computational device during that specific temporal eventuality, and let’s see if we can take the piss out of the crap (if you see what I mean).

See you there next week.

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