Abominations and filth

Now, then. You ain’t seen nothin’ till you’s seen Councillor Crispian Tarquin Buttock-Bottomley runnin’ around Nigel Prawn’s goat field with a parsnip up his arse.

And, no, I ain’t seen that either. But it probably got you readin’ this ’ere thing they calls a bog. [Blog, Amelia, it’s called a blog. – Ed.]

Well, whatever.

Anyhow, like, they’s lots o’ people walkin’ around these parts – an’ I’m talkin’ of our wonderful Little Bibbling under Flossock here – who’s just not what you’d call acceptable folks, like. The sort of folks you just doesn’t want pettin’ your goat or goin’ near your azaleas with their thingummy hangin’ out, like.

I means, don’t get me wrong, like, I ain’t got nothin’ against ’em, but I don’t like ’em and I don’t think they should be allowed to, well, to be, if you sees what I means.

Now, if you listens to this month’s Underground Ablution [Edition, Amelia. – Ed.]

Now don’t you go startin’ that again, Ed whatever your name is.

Edition, then, if you prefers.

As I was sayin’, like, if you listens to this month’s whatever its f[deleted]ing name is—

Now just you stop this f[deleted]ing censorship, Mr bloody Ed, afore I comes over there to the Celticle Wireless Corporation and gives you what for.

Right, Underground Whatnot with Bill Everard. If you listens to it, you’ll ’ere this month’s episode of The Chronicles of Little Bibbling under Flossock by that nice Mr Ambrose Jones. [It’s Bill Everatt, Amelia, and Andrew John. – Ed.]

Whatever!!!!!

Well, you’ll ’ere an interestin’ little account of abominations. That’s what they is, abominations. Filthy, perverted, atrocious, disgustin’, evil, filthy, foul, gross, hideous, horrible, impure, lascivious, lewd, scurrilous, shameless, shockin’, sickening, smutty, suggestive, improper, unchaste, unclean, unwholesome, licentious, loathsome, lustful, nasty, coarse, crude, dirty, outrageous, pornographic, profane, prurient, wanton, repellent, repugnant, salacious, scabrous, vile, and wicked, that’s what they is. [My, my, Amelia, have you swallowed a thesaurus? – Ed.]

I thought that was some sort o’ prehistoric monster.

Anyways, like, as I was sayin’, like, abominations, that’s what they is. This month’s Chronicles of Little Bibbling under Flossock, what starts round twenty or so minutes into Mr Bill Ever Ready’s Underground Ablution, give or take, talks about vile abominations.

So enjoy it. I did. Heh, heh, heh.

About Amelia Spleenwort

My name is Mrs Amelia Spleenwort, aged 93, of 42 Cobblers' Cottages, Little Bibbling under Flossock, which you just see at the other side of the M39, if you're sittin' down. People says my part of the world is a bit weird, like, but I says it's the rest of you what is bonkers.

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